Life and Love.

LIFE. LOVE.

We live to love. And when we love, we get hurt. It's the natural cycle of love. When you love too much, you get hurt. When you get hurt, you can't stand the pain and you just want to forget everything. To forget that special person. That's what I'm going through right now.

First loves. We all have them at some point. Doesn't it feel wonderful? To know that you have someone to lean on to? To know that you have someone to love and care for? To feel invincible and on top of the world? Well... that's how I used to feel. STRONG. My first best guy friend was my first love. We didn't know it at first, but we were aware of our feelings for each other. Whenever I needed someone to cry to, he was always there. Always. Whenever I needed cheering up, I would always go to him. He was there through my first heartbreak with my first boyfriend. He was there on my first play performance. He was there when I needed someone. He was there for EVERYTHING. It's funny how time can fly by SOOO fast. Things change. People change. Then suddenly, you don't know who they are anymore.

So, here's the story. He liked me, but I never realized it. I was with another guy. I told him I wanted to be just friends with him. I didn't have any feelings for him at all. He accepted it. He said he would always be there for me. That he would wait for me. & he did. Him and I grew VERY CLOSE. He would call me every night. Whenever he went out of country, he would call me at 5 a.m. in the morning, just to see how I was doing. He didn't give up. He kept his promise. Then, I realized that.. I liked him after all, too. So, because of that, I broke up with my boyfriend. I asked myself over and over again. Did I make the right decision? I followed my heart. I knew that deep inside, I felt the exact same way. I wanted to give US a try. I thought, 'Hey, I can't get hurt anyway, right?' WRONG. Our love grew over time. Every single memory that we had, I treasured in my diary. I was.. IN LOVE for the first time. But then, somewhere along the lines, something started to go wrong. We drifted apart. Out of nowhere. I don't know how it happened. It was all like a rush. A blur. Everything didn't make sense and I couldn't see what was wrong. WHAT went wrong...

Then he left. He left without saying anything. Months later, he came back with a new personality, a new... girlfriend. I was crushed. I locked myself in my room and refused to go out for days. That's how much I was deeply hurt. He CHANGED so much. He wasn't that old guy that I used to know. Everything about him changed. Now, he thinks that he can play with every girl's feelings. He thinks that it's okay for him to come back to me whenever he wanted. It was all just so WRONG... I wrote multiple songs, inspired by him. My diary was FILLED with old memories from when we were young. When times were really easy. Each page in my diary was about him and ONLY him... That was how much I was in love with him.. & now that everything's wrong, I just don't know what to do. I'm sooo clueless. I told myself to forget about him, but I just CAN'T. I guess that's what happens when you give too much...
I don't wanna feel this pain again. I just hope he changes back to the way he was before. BEFORE THIS MESS....