Changes

Hmm.. it's definitely been a long time since my last post. A LOT of things have just been happening lately. Now, HE'S back to school. He's actually doing fine. & we're not getting along.. again. Ughhh. I really don't know what the problem is. I've been trying my best to support him and give him his own space for a little while. But, he just keeps on avoiding me completely. He's talking to everyone except me. Well, that's how it seems to go. I really don't know what went wrong. One minute we were doing fine, then the next, it's like we're back to the start again. I try to understand that he's going through a lot right now and that he doesn't need any drama and all, but it looks like he's asking for it. And his friends... ughhh. I'm not even willing to go there. All I can say is that I thought he was SO much better than that.

Anyway, right now, everything is dull. What used to be the sunny days were now rainy. What used to be happiness is now gloominess. & what used to be love was now.. uncertainty.. I can pretty much say that we're slowly drifting apart. & I HATE it. Like I said before, we're REALLY close. Well, used to be, I guess. I wish everything would be back to the same again. No tears, no broken hearts, no scars that need to be healed, just... LOVE.

I miss those days where we used to talk without things feeling awkward, just natural. I miss the days where he would make me laugh and tell me cheesy compliments, just to see me crack a smile whenever I'm feeling sad. I miss the days where he would hold me in his arms; feeling protected and loved. The way the sun shone on his face was indescribable. His eyes were the perfect color of chocolate brown. I would get lost in them instantly. His smile would brighten up my day... But.. now, all of that is lost. It's no longer going to be that way anymore. We've grown up and matured in our own ways. Somewhere along the road, we got lost. Now, we can't seem to find our way back to each other anymore. & that's how it's probably going to stay, too. I just have to accept the fact that we'll both never be the same around each other again. No matter how much it hurts, I have to live with it. After all, they say, "If you love large, you must hurt large." Guess that I have to pay the price of loving him so much...